Swimming Upstream
Some days are like that, aren’t they?
Some days you just can’t seem to get anything right. And by ‘you’ I of course mean ‘me’. YOU probably have your shit together 24/7/365! Me, I’m living at the edge of confusion and catastrophe most of the time.
Even at this moment, as I write this post, I’m thinking ‘really? You’re doing this again? No one reads personal blogs any more!’
I know blogs these days are all about the best, easiest or even the most comical ‘life hacks’. The purpose of blogs is for help. Information. Recipes. The 10 best stollers for new moms. Advice. Anything USEFUL.
This blog is not useful. It is a place to take a peek into the struggles of learning. Not in a way that will HELP YOU! Oh gosh no! You don’t need any kind of advice I might give. Mostly because it’s usually just ‘google it’ or ‘try duct tape’.
It seems to be my goal in life to just throw so much spaghetti at the wall that I end up ordering a pizza for dinner.
And THAT’S the kind of advice you’ll get from me! Just see what works! I mean, something has to eventually right?
Or does it? I sure feel like I try and try and try just as a way to keep myself busy! Not so that I eventually end up with a ‘thing’. It’s the struggle that I hate, but it’s the only bit I do well. I am always just a couple yards from the finish line when I decide it’s time to try something different. Like I’m afraid to see what happens if I DO get it right!
So maybe my calling is to be a beacon of hope to others like me. Those who are always swimming upstream, trying to find that thing but always coming up short. Maybe a little too nervous to get so involved in a thing that it takes over.
But still living life! Still totally happy being a person who works to pay bills and uses their free time for whatever the hell they feel like attempting on any given day. Not as a way to support themselves. And certainly not anything so important that it can’t be cast aside for months without being missed.
I guess the point today is:
I’m okay always swimming upstream because it is 100% authentically me.Just a girl owning her lack of focus and enjoying every haphazard cobbled-together moment.
You may be asking (or more likely you’re not because you don’t care and you’re not REALLY sure why you’re even still reading this), ‘what brought all this on, today?’
Well, just another day of ‘I can’t believe I did this! It’s so cool!’ and then realizing ‘oh! I didn’t actually do it. Something’s not right and now I have to go figure why and how to fix it.’
And then the ol’ brain says, ‘meh. How important is that really? Let’s go find something new to try instead.’